.assalamualaykum.

00.05 am
December 15th 2009

my name is Denisa Valianty

bisa sy berteriak di sini?
sampe robek leherku.

sudah.
sy tidak tau bagaimana cara kluarkan smua.
biar sy 'nikmati' sendiri.
ko akan tau kok.
kalau sy akhirnya capai klimaks ku.

and i'm waitin for the perfect time.

i'm sorry for being so weird.
i'm sorry for being so confusing.

i promise i WILL NEVER push you to keep ours if u can't anymore.
be tough!

maaf sy slalu mau tau SMUAnya.
maaf kalau stelahnya sy buat kau mrasa bersalah sudah cerita.
maaf kalau akhirnya sy SLALU 'sakit' lagi.

this is for you.
never talk about this except if i start it first.
i'm sorry.
this is the real thing that i feel deep inside.
i just don't know how to tell you withOUT emotion.
bcause i'm scared it'll break us.

then i'll say, "let's talk about this directly."
then it didn't happen.
then u get bored.
dan masalah itu numpuk terus.

sy takut.
takut untuk bayangkan.
what u will say.
what will happen to us.

u know, i give up too fast.
i'm a loser inside.
i'm trying to be someone nice.
for all those girls.
but once i see and hear they cried for us, i seemed want to give up.
in fact, i'm hurting them. and i can't. they're my friends.
they keep being nice to me. and i keep hurting them. fvck me.

but then i remember u, and think how SELFISH I AM if i leave u just bcause of them.
i'm hurt, but that's okay. that's just me.

to be honest, sy sering punya pikiran buruk tentang kau.
kau yg cuma mau HAVE FUN sm sy.
kau yg jadikan sy taruhan.
kau yg cuma penasaran bagaimana sy.
kau yg cuma lagi plampiasan ke sy.
kau yg cuma tidak suka jomblo.

pikiran kotor slalu ada!
karena ini SAYA. saya, yg slalu suuzon.

but u always say u don't.
and i try to trust u.

u know, i just want a simple love exactly.
simple. comfort. and warm. not more.
bcause i know i can't handle it.

when u read this, maybe we're not on a fight.
mungkin kita lagi baik-baik saja.
ini bukan tulisan kemarahan, ato kengambekan, ato apapunlah.
ini cuma yaah, something u should know or not.
it depends to u.

1 pesan yg tidak akan pernah lupa sy sampaikan:
ingat smua yg sudah kita lewati SAMA-SAMA.

buat sy, mereka MAHAL.
MAHAL BANGET.

one more thing, remember this words?

"..chills run down my spine
..as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.."

indonesiakan, dan SMOGA ko ingat =)
FYI, i still feel like that if i'm with u.

.wassalamualaykum.

00.53 am.

.assalamualaykum Wr. Wb.

it's 01.48 am now.
i can't sleep yet.
get bored, tired of chemistry, so what else i can do beside onlining.
and listening to my musics of course.

well, actually, there are TOO much thinks in my head now.
even i really don't know how to start talk about them.
they just come and fill my head, don't give me even just a little chance to separate them; which one are needed and aren't.

then, let's see how i can hold them with my little head.


but i think better if i just type about light thing that can entertain me NOW.

i never think that i can growing up here, with all these situations, conditions, time, places, and people. i just ever thought that i'll never grow up, and will stay kids, climbing trees, shouting all the time, running everywhere, tanning (hha! sorry, MOM! =) ), and others. i'ts like a "BAM!", suddenly i'm HERE.

suddenly, i'm here.
seeing many cars, colorful cars. seeing many high buildings. seeing beautiful people.
seeing many different restaurants. seeing good schools (high building-schools). and many more.

whiles before, i just could see "ugly" beaches (my niece said), and forests.
yeah, forests. i don't know what i'd ever got in my past, that can makes me so crazy about forests, about jungle, woods, whatever u say. i just always feel, "yeah, that's home. so?" always like that.

my GRANDFA ever said that i can easily do adapt in a new place. coz i'm quite talkative. yes, that's true. (UHUK! UHUK! i'm coughing). and I WON'T EVER FORGET IT.
he said that and smiled to me. and u know, it really suggest me much thinks.
until now.

i think maybe i'm very different with all of my friends.
a thing that always make me thank to GOD is that i can feel this, HE gives me chance to be different. well, everybody's different. but maybe they just never think more about that.

i used to have a Mother, just like you all.
now, there's NO Mother anymore (for u. for me, she's still alive)
i used to have a HOME.
now, i live in my Uncle's HOUSE.
about 3 years ago, i wonder if i can continue my study at MALANG.
my Mom, who was still alive at that time, agreed.
but then sh passed away.
all desicions are made by my Daddy of course. coz he's the only parent i have NOW.

i don't know how it was going, how come the idea to send me here came.
they 'worked' for my study, required me in my SHSs in Makassar, and i don't know.
believe me, i tried to run away. but i can't.

so then, i met many new things. well, that's good for me.
like i always said, "i enjoy it".

fisrt time, i said, " SAYA TIDAK AKAN SUKA SEKOLAH INI!" (read: 01 SHS).
but i really can't pretend that 01 SHS gives me "MY LIFE".

my friends.
my girls.
my sisters.
my study.
my teachers.
my experiences.
my laughs.
my cries.
my shouts.
my breaths.
my madnesses.
my happinesses.
my sadnesses.
my trees.
my ZULFIKAR.
and others.

i can't imagine where else i can get THEM.

(can't make myself sleepy yet)

i used to say "damn u all. for sending me here."
now i appreciate it.

"THANK U VERY MUCH, for ALL u've done to me."

sometimes, there're much meaningful things that can't be told to another people,
while we want them to know.

KEEP FIGHT!

LIFE is CUTE.
u know that.
LIFE is UP and DOWN.

and for me, LIFE is DENISA.

there'll be NO LIFE for me without Denisa.

Ps.: can i add more? "DENISA, her girls, and her PRINS"

=D

time to study.
chemistry.
i can't, i think.

.wassalamualaykum.

02.40 am

.assalamualaykum.

as the request of our papa in CERIA, let me tell you, HOW'S CERIA in my mind.
after you read this, you, who have a blog also, HAVE TO DO THE SAME =D, fill yours with the same thing with mine.

CERIA.

i don't know what it exactly is.
but let me call it FRIENDS.


1. MUHAMMAD WIERDHAN HASANUDDIN as PAPA / Wierdhan / Wierdy / Dang Dang
He's the FATEST among US. of course. hha!

Tahan emosi aja ya, kalo dengar dia khotbah.
panjang. 'bermakna'. dalem. bahasa gaulnya : SOTTAK.

dia kayanya pria, okeh. bukan. laki-laki. bukan juga. cowo? ia.
dia kanyanya COWO paling sottak yg pernah skolah di SMANSA BERGAUL MAKASSAR.
BANYAK BERTEORI !
TALK MORE, DO LESS.
kebalikan dari semboyan rokok.
membuktikan dia TIDAK MEROKOK.

mungkin. mungkin dan amin.

dia ketua KIERZHA. Ekskul karya ilmiah SMANSA BERGAUL MAKASSAR.
ketua! bayangkan!

dia paling smangat bahas ekskul kebanggannya itu.
yg katanya dia niatkan untuk diREVOLUSI ! keren, bukan? bukan.

okeh. skalian sebagai teguran dari koar-koarnya itu (maaf Papa). yg beloom juga kebukti sampe skarang.

like this.

just stop your speech and do something even just go upstairs and say "HI" to your members !
is that too HARD?

enough. sy mulai emosi. hhaha.

lanjuut.
Wierdhan is our vehicle. lucky us. karir terbaik kami slama ini sudah sampai di malino. bukan. tinggi moncong maksudnya. (ARGH! sy langsung ngidam jagung!)

the way he rides something is so unique. ahaha. i, personally, like it.
pantat goyang-goyang, like Zul's words. membuat Pebe yg pemabok (mabok mobil) suka mual-mual. membuat Nisaa, nenek panikan, teriak-teriak.

sering banget FIGHT with a girl whom he declared as his wife. how come?!
while you both always act like our parent, and a married couple?
egoism =D . how to say it NICELY? cute egoism? hha xp

make us laugh enough. hha.
with things like ES POTENG, SONGKOLOK, AND PANEN DI SAWAH.
hha.

his wife..


2. ANGELA HOZANA CITRA as MAMA / Angel / Enjela / Jendela

my ethnic sister! tionghoa!
sooo LIGHT. hha. putih, i mean.
she's the whitest among US. (white?)

Pebe always says, when she's upset, she looks like a girl who doesn't take a bath yet.

"Ngel. kalo marahko, kayako orang blom mandi."

soo MOODY !
we have to pay attention MORE to her.
well, that's the ART.
itu seninya.

sda.
dikit-dikit, marahan.

jadi FB WierGel yg paling lincah "relationship status" movement nya.

Wierdhan Muhammad is married to Angela H. Citra.

gitu tulisan di FB. trus ada gambar love kecil di sampingnya.

brapa menit kemudian..

Wierdhan Muhammad and Angela H. Citra ended their relationship.

something like that.

kami slalu doakan yg terbaik buat kalian, sayang =)

She often texts me tengah malam.

"icaa.."

or whatever.
curhat.

and so sorry dear, if i was that careless for you =(

she's smart.
in Chemistry espescially.
and english too.
and well-knowledged.

for short, she's SO SMART !
and tough enough, for the problems around her.

keep fight, Ngel !


3. ANDI MUHAMMAD PRIMABUDI as PEBE

let see how FREAK HE IS.

his favorite slogan:

"DARI LAHIR"

=|

skali sebut kekurangannya, he'll says, "ioio. yg SEMPURNA." dengan wajah bikin mual.
skali sebut dia TAMPAN, he'll says, "Dari lahir =)."

see?
he's a good pretender.

CLEVER !
CPU BRAIN !
nervous boy, actually.
won't talk much bout that =|

math, physics, chemistry, IT, etc.

cepat tangkap.
waktu baru lahir langsung SUSU BERUANG.

mungkin.

lanjut.
he's not good in controlling a motorbike. sorry to type this, but that's the fact.
and what the good news? dia skarang bisa bawa mobil ! YIHAA. CERIA's new driver.

he loves my Lesbong, Nisaa.
he loves her like crazy.

i never think he can be that serious in the problem bout LOVE.
wow. HUMAN.

he has a MOI, a MAMA, a SAYANG.
she's...


4. ANNISA FARADINA ASTRINI / ANNISA FARADINA ASTINI as Nisaa / Annisa

MOI.
MAMA.
SAYANG.
S** alias ES BINTANG-BINTANG.

Nisaa (N) : "apa sih fesbuk? apa bagusnya?"
Ica (I) : "ahh. buat mko. bagus pokonya."
N : "IOO. apa bagusnya? apa dibuat kalo fesbuk?"
I : "WEEH. banyak skali dibuat dalam fesbuk. masa ko FRENSTER trus sampe skarang? ckck."
N : "ah. ndamau deh. ndamau buat fesbuk. frenster bagus."

=)

see the fact now.
THANK ME.

ahahahaha.

twice slept in my house.
crazy nites with you, DEAR! i won't forget them! =D

she wears VEIL (=jilbab).
makes me jealous she can, and i can't =(
has a wonderful MOTHER. my Mother in Makassar is yours, Nisaa.
thanks to TANTE BTP =)
who always makes me FUUUULLLL with AWESOME FRUITS from KEBON BLAKANG YANG ADANYAMII.
hhi.

her face always turns RED when she laughs.
and our favorite weird-cute thing is..

..babi kecil.

hha. maybe bcause my face. looks like a lil' pig (?)

she's a miss BUSY. everything she holds seem like will turn into her bussiness. hha.

dia itu tipe cewe yg suka merumitkan segala yg simpel.
don't be upset.
you agree with me, don't you? xp

US: " Nisaa. ayok pergi sini."
N : " aduh. les ka."

US: " Nisaa. makan ya. di sana."
N : " aduh. ndabisa ka. ada final ku ini hari."

US: " Nisaa. nonton bareng Ceria."
N : " Weh. jan ko dule pekan ini. sy sudah 3 hari berturut-turut ndamasuk les ine."

US: " Nisaa. jadi kapan bisamu?"
N : " terserah ji sy. asal jangan hari INI INI INI INI INI."

US: " mko ikut besok Nisaa?"
N : " jam brapa? siang mo yah. banya cucianku."

US: " Nisaa. Nisa."

GIFO!
get mad if sees a camera.
and how come you can take your many pictures with a same style? xp

LALE !
lale in texting with her Papa, Pebe.


5. ZULFIKAR BASRUL as Vkar / Zul

the tallest among US.
student president and really getting NUTZ with it.
hha! be tough!

my son.
whom i always want to keep warm.
always protect him from every 'attack' he gets.
always make him feel I'm beside, outside, inside.
always catch him from his fallingdown.
everywill =)

anti-MILK !
and that's so ME.
hhaha.
western, like me. hoho.
monthoc, like me.
creates MUCH nicks for me.
owns MARLO.
our Marlo.

cool. the coolest among US.

then..
i don't know.
to be honest, that's so difficult to write about him in the context of CERIA.
but i try.

dia KARET RUSAK.
kalo ngaret nda kira-kira.

there's a funny text from him.

"Assalamualaykum Denisaku.
Minta tolong yah.

Sms sy jam 9an.
Ato yg penting sbelom jam 11
Spaya sy bgun.
(obat pasti buat sy tdur sampai jam 3an)

Makasii sayang,
Zulfikar"

you know, I LAUGHED when i read this!

kau!
ditelvon bermilyar-milyar kali saja ndamau bangun!
APALAGI CUMA DI SMS !
huaahahahahahaha!

that's enough about him.
i'm wordless! can't talk much bout Zul here.

one thing, LOVE is HIM.


6. DENISA VALIANTY as Icaa / Denisa

that's me.
freaky weirdy stranger nutz.
i'm typing this.

bcause Ayah Ucu said,

"simpanlah data-data kalian di internet. tidak akan hilang.
apapun. curhat. poto-poto. simpan saja di internet.
kalo kaian simpan di CD, di flashdisk, bisa saja rusak ato hilang.
kalo di internet tidak akan."

INDAHnya kata-kata itu.
terima kasih Ayah Ucu =)

how's ME in a word?

PRINSES =)

Ps: will continue next time. this is too SHORT for our story. keep wishing.

.wassalamualaykum.

.assalamualaykum.

nite.
it's now about 01.03 am at Jakarta.

i'm in my room, with the sleeping Lola.
and i don't know what to do.
so i start to type this.

okay.
now, i really don't know what to say.

i just want to tell you that this is the 'funniest' trip i ever have.
start from my teacher, my SENSATIONAL teacher, my rivals, my new friends, my room.
everything.

i'm sorry i can't tell you what exactly what happened with us, here.
but that was 'TOO FUNNY' to be remembered.

YAA ALLAH.

that's perfectly rite that 'RODA KEHIDUPAN TERUS BERPUTAR'

FYI, last year, maybe you know, that the National 1st Winner for Debate
and also article competition are from MAKASSAR.

for BOTH OF THE CATEGORIES OF COMPETITION.

but what just happened?

From 1-1, we turned to 9-10 !

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?!

i still can't believe.

Let me let you understand.

Fisrt, A.Eka Murti, our friend from Smunel, is the South Sulawesi 1st winner
for article competition. she was reeaally great!

but what she got here?
she fell down too far!
till none of us can think more HOW it happened, while we keep looking at
the great Eka.

she brought herself great enough (more than enough).
we still thought that at least, she can go to the grand final.
but in fact, she couldn't. she didn't pass.
and ALL OF US of course feel CONFUSED.

WHY?!
WHY EKA COULDN'T BE THE WINNER?!

while we never saw anyone else better than her.
so, we CAN'T accept that until NOW.

Second, is about our debate.
which i wanna say, that that was VEEERYYY dissapointed.

i don't know.
but you can ask to EVERYONE who saw the debate.

okay, to avoid GIBAH in my blog, i won't talk about someone specifically
and what he/she had done.

in my point of view, our rivals in Makassar are better MUCH than here.
i didn't say that our rivals here aren't good enough.
but FYI, we didn't feel the 'debate' itself in Jakarta.
it looked like "WHO FASTEST WHO GET" competition.
and i was..
.. so SAD.

hmm.
so we didn't win.
BUT!
you have to know, that WE can't accept that our Rivals from M, B, and Bd
did't be the big 3.
THEY WERE VVVEEERRRYYY GGGRRREEEAAATTT !!!
COOL!
But NONE OF THEM BE THE BIG 3.
once again, we CONFUSED.

and you know, I LOVE (SOO) EVERYTHING we talked about in the debate before,
in Makassar.
why?

bcause we were given much chanCe to explain our arguments.
but here, i don't know exactly what they wanted!
it seems like everything we do are going to be WRONG.


Now, with much of dissapoinment but 'ALHAMDULILLAH', i end this post.
i just don't know what to do in this early morning.

.wassalamualaykum.

PS:
hai Prins !
i heart you.
never end.
congratulation clock half three morning :D

.assalamualaykum.




saya disuruh Prinses ketik ini.




.wassalamualaykum.

.assalamualaykum.

semalam sy stres berat.
tiba-tiba.
hilang jati diri.
sy ndakenal sapa yang ada dalam badanku.

i hate that i don't know what i hate!

sms sy jawab singkat smua.
padahal sy putri sms.
yang kalo sms kayak berkisah.

semalam nda.

"..nanananananana.."

sy balas "nda"

ato "..nananananana.."

sy balas "io"

seperti itu kira-kira.

ini pertama kali dalam hidup sy begini.
sy bermasalah sama diri sendiri.

ada yang pernah begini?

paginya, jam (lupa) pagi. skitaran jam 1.

sy tutup sms dengan Prins.

sy merasa lagi meluk orang.
cewek.
cabi.
MAMA pasti.

EEH.
NANGIS!

HOREE!

sy nangis dan PRINS13 lagi tutup mataku.
jadinya dia ikut BASAH.
ckck. maaf.

sy tertidur.

sy kira sy cuma stres sesaat seperti biasa.
yang kalo bangun paginya pasti langsung sembuh.
ternyata ini cukup parah.

sy tambah stres paginya.
telvon nda diangkat.
sms balasnya masi singkat.
bahkan ada yang langsung dihapus.

YA ALLAH.

sy KENAPA?!

sy subuhan dengan tenang.
sy dhuhaan dengan tenang.
sy dzuhuran dengan tenang juga.
sy minta dikembalikan ke Denisa yang asli.

ALHAMDULILLAH.
ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL 'ALAMIIN.

sy crita ke PAPA.
PAPA bilang, cuma orang BODO' yang stres.
ok. brati beberapa jam terakhir ini, sy orang BODO'.
sy orang BODO' BANGET bahkan.
karna ndattauk apa yang distresi.


sy telvon Annisa.
sy minta acara.
sy mau ngumpul.
sy mau ketawa.
ketawa sampai sakit perut.
ketawa sampai mau muntah.
sy mau nraktir orang eskrim.
ato roti.
ato apapun.
sy mau berMARLO.
sy mau ke pantai.
sy mau makan sampai sakit perut, sampai mau muntah.
sy mau KETAWA.

sy BUTUH semuanya.
sy paksa Nisa.

tutup telvon.
sy merasa sembuh.

ada harapan buat KETAWA lagi besok.
sy langsung mikir.
jangan-jangan sy stres karena ndaKETAWA?
smoga deh.
amin.

buat smua yang sudah merasa ndaenak.

TERUTAMA BUAT PRINS.
BUAT ZULFIKAR BASRUL.

MAAF SE-MAAF-MAAF-NYA.

smoga kalian ngerti sy cewek yang ndanormal banget.

.wassalamualaykum.

.assalamualaykum.

latar.
waktu: pagi - siang
tempat: lapangan hasanudin
suasana: ANIMEJINEBEL (UNIMAGINABLE)

sy jalan pagi dari sawerigading sama Tarie dan Fitri.
sy lari pagi sama anak tekon plus Prins, Wierdhan, Pebek.
sy ketemu 2 adek cina ucul, putih, cabi baget.
sy cium harumnya adek2 itu.
sy main-main sama adek-adek itu.
sy lari lagi.
sy nendang ameputonya Prins.
sy naik SEPEDA!
sy naik sepeda keliling lapangan.
sy naik sepeda di pinggir jalan, MUTEER.
sy naik MARLO!
sy ditegur skalian diketawai bapak-bapak karna ndapake helm.
sy duduk-duduk sambil nyanyi-nyanyi sama Prins dan Tarie.
sy olahraga mulut pake lagu VUNERABLE sama Prins.
sy minum jus di kaisar sama Prins, Pebek, Tarie, Wierdhan.
sy nonton sinchan di tempat yang sama dengan orang-orang yang sama juga.
sy naik Marlo bonceng Tarie.
sy tidur menghadap langit.
sy diperliatkan RANTING TERBANG sama Pebek.
sy hampir ditabrak kaHadi yang sy kira om-om ****.
sy bingung sama Tarie mo kemana dan ngapain.
sy mau ke kayangan, tapi batal.
sy sit ap.
sy 'ikan-ikanan'.
sy jatuhkan hape di selokan kering.
sy kalahkan Prins lomba lari (Dia harus traktir)
sy diperliatkan Prins sandal kotak yang sama dengan sandal kotakku.
sy jalan dan lompat di batu2nya orang rematik.
sy dan Prins ketawai 'orang-orang' (ingat?).
sy lari, Pebek jalan.
sy salah ngira, sy kira kakaknya Zaldy itu Zaldy (ckck).
sy dapat potonya 2 adek ucul sama bola (AAAHHH MMUUAACCHH!).
sy hancurkan tumitku.
sy cerita-cerita sama Prins, Pebek, Wierdhan.

sy kangen itu semua. kapan lagi?

.wassalamualaykum.