.assalamualaykum.

00.05 am
December 15th 2009

my name is Denisa Valianty

bisa sy berteriak di sini?
sampe robek leherku.

sudah.
sy tidak tau bagaimana cara kluarkan smua.
biar sy 'nikmati' sendiri.
ko akan tau kok.
kalau sy akhirnya capai klimaks ku.

and i'm waitin for the perfect time.

i'm sorry for being so weird.
i'm sorry for being so confusing.

i promise i WILL NEVER push you to keep ours if u can't anymore.
be tough!

maaf sy slalu mau tau SMUAnya.
maaf kalau stelahnya sy buat kau mrasa bersalah sudah cerita.
maaf kalau akhirnya sy SLALU 'sakit' lagi.

this is for you.
never talk about this except if i start it first.
i'm sorry.
this is the real thing that i feel deep inside.
i just don't know how to tell you withOUT emotion.
bcause i'm scared it'll break us.

then i'll say, "let's talk about this directly."
then it didn't happen.
then u get bored.
dan masalah itu numpuk terus.

sy takut.
takut untuk bayangkan.
what u will say.
what will happen to us.

u know, i give up too fast.
i'm a loser inside.
i'm trying to be someone nice.
for all those girls.
but once i see and hear they cried for us, i seemed want to give up.
in fact, i'm hurting them. and i can't. they're my friends.
they keep being nice to me. and i keep hurting them. fvck me.

but then i remember u, and think how SELFISH I AM if i leave u just bcause of them.
i'm hurt, but that's okay. that's just me.

to be honest, sy sering punya pikiran buruk tentang kau.
kau yg cuma mau HAVE FUN sm sy.
kau yg jadikan sy taruhan.
kau yg cuma penasaran bagaimana sy.
kau yg cuma lagi plampiasan ke sy.
kau yg cuma tidak suka jomblo.

pikiran kotor slalu ada!
karena ini SAYA. saya, yg slalu suuzon.

but u always say u don't.
and i try to trust u.

u know, i just want a simple love exactly.
simple. comfort. and warm. not more.
bcause i know i can't handle it.

when u read this, maybe we're not on a fight.
mungkin kita lagi baik-baik saja.
ini bukan tulisan kemarahan, ato kengambekan, ato apapunlah.
ini cuma yaah, something u should know or not.
it depends to u.

1 pesan yg tidak akan pernah lupa sy sampaikan:
ingat smua yg sudah kita lewati SAMA-SAMA.

buat sy, mereka MAHAL.
MAHAL BANGET.

one more thing, remember this words?

"..chills run down my spine
..as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.."

indonesiakan, dan SMOGA ko ingat =)
FYI, i still feel like that if i'm with u.

.wassalamualaykum.

00.53 am.